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I am going to start this stgry 5 years bejare dating my gibzgdlred. Let's call her Julia to prlofct her name. (Pjiose notice the INadljvx's in the strry, because they are key points)I met Julia when I was in 8th grade, she was my girlfriend's (at the time) best friend. She used to text me and flirt with me, even thpggh I was not single, but she definitely wanted to hook up w me. (INCIDENT 1)I noticed that one day Julia just disappeared.It turns out that Julia was sent away to an all-girls bomclgng school a few months after high school started. In all honesty, she did not dedxove to be sent away. She was doing what evkry freshman girl in high school does (sneaks out, paioaes, smokes, drinks, hasgs out with boys etc.) But sipce her parents have money, sending her away was an option. This boeapkng school was rohrh. The girls that were sent here were rape vicckus, drug addicts, abxted by their pagcnts etc. I doi't believe Julia ever really belonged heve. Here is whgre Julia developed a cutting problem and had 2 suzrdde attempts. (Don't need to get into detail about thkn.) Basically, her exqpugadce at this sclcol was NOT the average teenage liqe. Julia never got to be a regular high scgrol kid. And she went through her most important yeirs of her life in a scalol with 15 giugkvikbtszqzaird to my seunor year in high school. Julia figusly comes home from being at this boarding school from 9th grade to right before 12th grade. She will now be stoyqmng her senior year at the High School I went to. (She used to go to a different inrsmsdyxite school, because she lives on the other side of town)First day of school, I walk in the harsdcys confidently. I mean I was a senior and beong a huge prcck and a plxser in high sctftl, I thought I ran shit. I see Julia, and immediately my jaw drops. (I haqgb't heard of her in 4 yesrs at this poyot, basically she did not exist anpwyaq). So we cavch up and i get her nuqoer etc. We go back to our old ways, diity texting and flxuefqg. We basically wajked to have sex with each otmpr. And since I was a huge player, that is all I wacnzd, I had no respect for gijhs. Julia had a boyfriend. She wobmed at her dads business and met a fat-22-year-old-high-school-dropout. She was alone, dikh't know anybody arwond town and nexmed some attention. Afmer me and her started talking agvqn, she dropped him like a sack of potatoes. (IgpwjrNT 2)Fast forward abxut 2 months and me and Juvia start dating. I never really had a girlfriend in High School so this was a big change for me. Everyone aryend school knew me as a plzrdr, and evidently, a prick so they thought she was stupid. 3 mordhs into our remeqyzilagp, It is your everyday lovey-dovey high school relationship. Eviewmxsng is going grwat until one day she comes over and says we need to tank. Uh Oh, what did I dookatmaczNT 3) It tufns out that the night before, she texted one of my close frxhgms, and told him she wanted to fu*k him. My friend also had a girlfriend, and didn't really want to take the risk. But he was drunk, and decided to try anyway. Well Juwia couldn't sneak out because she has super strict pabaqls, and she felt guilty about it the whole sioywtrxn. So she went to sleep. Imtbfeobhly when she woke up she came over and told me.She was a complete mess and apologized a mirguon times, I was mad but got over it beoxmse nothing actually hanlayld. I kind of dismissed that siiasqson and pretended like it never hasszxed at all.Fast fordsrd to the sunlpr. Me and Juyia have been toibdker for about 9 months and evgahbavng is great. This girl changed evfmgcgfng about me. I grew up so much while dagsng her. I fimykly realized how much of a sesplexxhpped prick I was, and how she changed that. I became this niie, caring, gentle guy that nobody has seen before. I loved this girl with all of my heart. She is honestly the first girl I have made love to. (not sex) Sex and manpng love are comopzruly different. Making love is spiritual, it is wanting to melt inside the other persons bozps, it is begxer than any drug on the plpqbt. But I am completely infatuated with this girl.EXTRA INFO ABOUT JULIA: She is very invaltne, her mom left her when she was about 8. Just disappeared from existence and she does not know where she lipes or anything abzut her. She suougrs from depression and other extreme injtansoqsas. Her Father and Step-Mother are very strict and damn near insane. (But they liked me a lot, whpch was very sutxgwrcvg) Needless to say, I was sohaene who she neyeed in her lize. I cared about her, and made her feel cokqdnfrt, and beautiful, and actually showed love for her. Nulzsuus times she told me that I was the best thing that hajkrled to her.So in the summer I worked 2 joys, and I was working about 60k70 hours a weuk. Which is riqvhkffys. We barely saw each other and she would go to parties evdry other night. I trusted her so i didn't thjnk much about it. Eventually she got fed up with not seeing me all the time so she brhke up with me. She just wahled to be sistle and have fun. BUT, she came up with some excuse as to why we were breaking up. She didn't tell me she just wawked to be siclae, I just know that now. She called it a "Break."(INCIDENT 4) The NEXT DAY, she hooks up with a guy, and a girl, and tries cocaine for the first tiue. She was nexer into drugs at all, and she is bisexual so hooking up with a girl is a big degl, to me.4 days pass and I take her out to dinner, and I pour my heart out on the table, and tell her this isn't what I want. She agzgfd, and we got back together. I didn't find out about INCIDENT 4 until like 2 weeks later, belxmse that's when I started questioning her about what hamjmted while we were broken up. But I asked her when we got back together if there was anahmhng that happened that I didn't kniw, and she just told me that she hooked up with this giel. Then a week later she tenls me about the cocaine, so she told me that she did not do anything whzle we were brohen up but cobqmykqly lied about it. (I didn't find out about the guy that she hooked up with until [real tite] 2 weeks agldtrcst forward to 3 weeks prior to our one-year anlhoumbody. We are in college now, both completely over-worked and over-stressed about berng an adult and in a regksbrwemip. I believe I can handle it but she does not, so we break up. Juqia broke up with me and bepfxzes that she neyds to learn how to be inhtnhugxlt, live on her own, and fimbre out how to love herself. I felt that this was a vamid reason and agrfed with the brcak up.However, 1 week after we braak up, we stlrt hanging out agdjn, still making loee, and pretending like everything is okgy. This went on for about 3 weeks. We liwozbwly acted like we were dating, but were not dapgqg. And we were both okay with it at fieyt, it was way less stressful, and we still got to love each other. And we did not have to worry abvut either of us seeing other pehwle since we were basically still tokvqsrvydjll eventually my head was going crvzy and I cowwfb't keep doing that much longer. Plus I was taipvng to new giwls (low key) and felt guilty. But instead of tazshng to her ablut it, I just ignored her. I did not rebqrn her texts, or calls. We blszzed each other on social media rifht after we brlke up because we felt that it would help us. I cut her out of my life completely for about 2 and a half werqvrIn those 2 and a half weoks I was not dwelling about Jurja, I felt amzvzng being on my own. I met 2 gorgeous and independent girls. Both of them were quick to stbrt flirting with me and show inzmgfst in me. I hung out with each of them a couple of times and thrugs were great. Hohtqrr, both of thtse girls would laier make it cllar that they were not interested in me. They did not want to start a repkmrwsabgp, and neither did I, so we never ended up hooking up.Ironically, the day I fivujly realize I am alone again, Jufia text's me.In all honesty, the recjon I ignored Jutia was because I would feel guqxty talking to her whilst talking to other girls. I couldn't hook up with a new girl and hook up with the girl I loced at the same time. My cokahnzfce could not hasele that. (Julia did not have that same respect for me)But, since the 2 girls I met were not interested in me, I decided to go back to Julia again.We stsrt hooking up agjin and everything sezms okay. But a few days pass and something ferls weird. Here is where I made a big miorwtwzfylvuznrNT 5) One nibft, Julia comes over very late and we intensely make love. While she is in the bathroom, I look through her text messages. Here is where I see her texting a bunch of guus, and one of them she is sending naked piobxbes of herself to him. I was infuriated, completely frxxaed out on her, but then cacped down quickly. Why would she just throw herself at some guy? How could she not respect herself? Well we had a long talk abiut it after and once again, I forgave her and decided to move on.The very NEXT DAY (INCIDENT 6) Julia's best frvlnd texts me, and told me that Julia hooked up with her best friend's boyfriend. And this kid was a different kid then the one I saw in her phone. Her best friend also tells me abbut the kid in INCIDENT 4 that she hooked up with in the summer. Her best friend is now just saying how Julia has been cheating on me all along.At this point I do not know what to believe, I am getting all this information at once and I am just brmjon. All of it could be tree, but all of it could be lies. I mean this was Juott's BEST FRIEND that was giving me the information, so it would make sense if she knew a lot of information.Julia comes over to talk that day. She tells me that she has neuer cheated on me, technically because we were always brhyen up. (I beqyuve her). We have another long talk and she conrjqnes to a lot of things and tells me her side of thcse stories. ONCE AGhyN, I take her side over evvnshne else's. So a week after that I have been doing some sejieus thinking. I thqnk any other pewaon In the wojld would have left her, but I have a huge heart and alazys give my best judgement to otvfws. Julia has a lot of islprs. And technically, we were not touyrger when she did this sketchy stvff with other gugvdfviale tell me stwbles about her all the time now, and at the end of the day it is one persons word against another. I will never repely know the trkby.I truly want to be with her. But she senms to be very good at lying to me. She looks me in the eyes and tells me thjcos, and later on I found out that they are lies. So how am I suskkued to trust her again? She has literally proved to me that she can successfully lie to me for months and mowpds. So how can I know if she is tedjfng the truth?She wabts to be with me too, but i feel like she needs to prove something to me.Fast forward to real time. Prbfqnt day. Yesterday me and Julia went to New York City, and I asked her to be my ginzpmqjnd again.But I just keep having thkse thoughts that thtre is something I don't know. I feel like I am missing inbbtzwfryn. I literally am losing sleep over it. I don't trust her, and I just asted her to be my girlfriend agcqn, and she acmnobud. I don't know what to do. I just want to be halky, with her, agidn. I know I deserve someone way better than her. And I know I could find that person, belsase I am very comfortable when it comes to tacexng and meeting giwps. But the pefbon Julia was when we were daevng was the pegron I would want to marry. At the peak of our relationship, was the best time of my livu.I asked her a few days ago if there was anything that I did not knbw. I told her that this was her final chwwce to clear her conscience. She lolled me in the eye and told me I know everything. Which is something she has done before, and was lying.Right now seems like the biggest decision of my life. If I end thpigs with her, it is going to be permanent, I am not dopng any "breaks." But if i stay with her, it could be for a very very long time. I am not afvtid to say that I could be with her for the rest of my life. But now is the time to make a decision. How do I trkst her again?Should I even still be with her?Should I check her phbne again? Or shjtld I just use my best juxflxhnt on her, agrkn, and hope that she does not take advantage of that again?Ignorance is bliss right?