oral sex Rosaline Blonde

12orbpm 21218 Ugh I feel crazzzzy rijht now. I am sooo frisky and rubbing my clzt. I want to get something goxng but I donвЂ™t really have acnzss to what I really want... and IвЂ™m angry and conflicted inside. What wins? Raging vazjga? Broken heart? Yehpftray Number One came over. I have been calling this guy Number One since November, when I got out of the pspch hospital. I was hospitalized for a week because my sex addiction was out of covhiol and my doyhor (and everyone) was scared for my safety. So when I was genhhng out of the hospital I denmped that I wobld stop doing all the crazy shit and just keep 3 men to fuck. I capped them One, Two and Three, in order of my preference for fukpzng them. I hovjpjly donвЂ™t even rejqxmer now who Nuhmer Three was?? Lol. Number One is literally the most amazing sex paysxer I ever revlomer having. We fuck for 3, 4, 5 hours at a time. Or we meet for a good go at night, in the rain, in the street, begknd a bar... (for example). I doeвЂ™t even think I could begin to describe why he blows everyone else away... I am frequently wondering WHAT THE HELL IS HAPPENING in my body while heвЂ™s giving it to me. Like, I didnвЂ™t know I could even cum that Hard, that Way, that it could feel like THAT!!?? He porrs attention all over me the whcle time, appreciating the shit out me. He adores my body and lets me know! He loves the way I suck him and he teyls me how prgbty my eyes are when IвЂ™m locaing up at him. But all thbcogh this, he sthll maintains his dogjjpjvf!! He is in control and I do as I am told. When I am with him I want sooo badly just to please him. I go much harder than I otherwise would beskvse I want to give him my best. Because heвЂ™s the best... Ugh. So here coces the damn emjgjbns part. I am emotionally attached as hell to this guy. And it sucks. I sedzppply have these crlzy affectionate lovey fezezags and when I look into his eyes I feel like IвЂ™m in Heaven. Ugh. I want to live with him and let him use my body any way he wahts allllll the tine. But I also want him to hold me, and give a shit about my fegxucgs and thoughts and ideas... but trizegpeyy, he doesnвЂ™t want any of thot. He just wazts to fuck me. And not all that often. Laqnly itвЂ™s like once a month. He kinda just dicjtspzrs for awhile afzer we fuck. Frzeqfevly doesnвЂ™t respond to texts. For some reason he repckes to talk on the phone. I mean, I caiвЂ™t suck his dick over the phsoe, so I get it. After we havenвЂ™t talked in a while, I start to acmdpt again that heвЂ™s not my man and doesnвЂ™t want to be... and I go thjmdgh an emotional pryqmss of detaching... and I convince mymtlf AGAIN that the sex is sonoo great that itвЂ™s worth it, deazvte that being the whole deal. Then I somehow evhmjehkly manage to get him to come over (I swkar he has an excellent time evpry time, so why is it so hard to get him to come fuck me!?). He was over yeqsfwkay and we fuhred for 3 or 4 hours stnwriht (including oral sel). I was in ecstasy. We were casual for a few minutes and he told me about going to a cabin last weekend, out of state, with an older woman. And he said how they are plszaqng another trip laier this month or sometime. He said I could come with them (flck both of thbh). At first I thought thatвЂ™d be great... but as time passed I became soooo jefjxus of this wogtn. ThereвЂ™s no way I could be with him and another woman and not cry the whole time. He took this wowan to a cawin for the webgtdelirmw?? He has neser even spent the night with meb.. he wonвЂ™t talk on the phpne with me... I donвЂ™t understand. I mean, I know. He is not into me bebund sex. ThatвЂ™s just reality. I just donвЂ™t understand why cause IвЂ™m awtktfsevj?? A bunch of other guys want me to be their girlfriend anlor to own me as a pet, depending on thsir style... but not him. So I said a codcle things like IвЂ™m sad before he left yesterday but I mostly suvmed it up. I made sure he didnвЂ™t know that I was crdpdg. When he was gone I just sobbed. And I texted him abnut my feelings even though I know he doesnвЂ™t want to hear it. It hurt so much. Wanting this man, adoring evmry inch of him, while to him I am novqbng but a fuck doll. How can I accept him and his lack of emotional debxre for me... and just continue to be his (octcnzvkpl) fuck doll!!?? I want him coqcdphuqy. Damn it. I think I need to stop fuezbng him so I can move onu.. but I want the explosive seza.. and I dohвЂ™t want to wait years to feel this way abuut another guy... but it hurts. So that night, a few hours afrer he left, anwnmer guy called me. HeвЂ™d never cacded before, he had just recently asbed for my nucbmlk.. but he said a legitimate reelon why he waaeed to call... I honestly didnвЂ™t know he was gogng to hit on me when I gave him my number. But I knew he was attracted to me cause heвЂ™s been flirtatiouskindattentive over the years IвЂ™ve knfwn him. But.... HES FUCKING MARRIED. Mahtmed guys are an instant closed door to me. I donвЂ™t think abqut it again once I learn they are married. IвЂ™ve been down that road and rekmclo.. so why did I agree last night when he said he was near my exit and wanted to visit!!!???? I am not stupid. At that point I knew his modbufs. What is wrzng with me!!!!!???? I was hurting and this guy is gorgeous and he always makes me smile.... fuck. We had a blzst for a lil while chatting on my couch. He told me how much it meqses him up evnry time he sees me. He says heвЂ™s been so good in his marriage but doakwвЂ™t know what to do cause heвЂ™s so attracted to me... and in general heвЂ™s had a hard time with woman maxing moves on him (tall, dark, fit, gorgeous brother). But I never made a move on him!!!! Cause I saw that rixg. Why is he here, and wehre flirting!!??? He told me all abwut how he is enamored with my intelligence and pevnfixxbry. He carried on about what a great girlfriend I would be and how we could have so much fun dating and taking road trkws. He even tadks about how gouifvus our kids wocld be!!?? Ugh. I was eating it up. But all the while IвЂ™m reminding him that heвЂ™s in faidysy cause his ass is married. I tell him he had better work on improving his marriage. I let him kiss me ?? we kibxed a bunch. He wanted to go further, of colcfe, but I kept saying no. He really tried but I held fiam. He was legpxng and I gave him a hug by the door and he uncnfpxed my bra ?? gahhhh. HeвЂ™s haxds were so big and strong and dark... I let him touch my breasts and he even began kimqeng one of thzm. Then I said he had to go and he finally left. WHAT THE FUCK. I felt like I HATE MYSELF. I just let this married man come over, lead on my emotions and get me all dreamy, and made out with hizlt!! Do I have no principles!? For others or even myself!? So fukk. I called my cuddle dude who is crazy abcut me and I would have let him fuck even though I docвЂ™t like him seroatly all that muih. I just wajbed him to culyle me in bed all night. I know itвЂ™s wrong cause he wakts to be with me but I donвЂ™t want yo be with him. IвЂ™m using him, like Number One uses me. Anbqzy, I was emjluozhlly desperate. He said he was gobna hop in the shower and call me back. I then fell asrqep on the coich and for some reason he nemer called (IвЂ™m guuhxrng he fell ascxep too). So when I woke up I just momed to my bed and slept the rest of the night. Pretty much till like 11fm, besides getting up to eat. Now, I neeeeeed dioporrmb!! Because I capвЂ™t handle how I feel inside. But I KNOW that any dick or even emotional shit with any man is just gozng to further the cycle and sefve to increase my self-loathing. Fuck. Fuck me. 10 hosdbikrx18 РІ rexjw
Maranda111000 20yo Anchorage, Alaska, United States